I hate mobile phones. You’re thinking that must be because they’ve killed the art of conversation? Nope. Or perhaps because they mean you can never get away from the office? Nope. It’s because when I look down to use mine, I get the most unflattering view of my face imaginable reflected back up. Jowls? These are monster mandibles, Winston Churchill wobblers, you could lose roast dinners in the folds. I could cry… but then I visited The Spa at Bluebird on the King’s Road and found if not exactly the answer to jowls, definitely the snappiest retort possible when you’re the wrong side of 40. I speak of the very, very wonderful Claudia Mendez, below.

She is bluebird’s brilliant facialist, a woman with oodles of charm, infectious enthusiasm and seriously magic fingers. I booked the Micheline Arcier Signature facial (60 mins, £95) because Micheline Arcier is a legendary low-key French brand that has the best aromatherapy oils bar none. This facial concentrates on massage rather than applying endless layers of lotions, which, frankly, any fool can do… whereas effective muscle manipulation is a job for experts. This massage is talked about with whispered deference and bowed heads by beauty aficionados. It’s regarded as the ultimate fingertip facelift, stimulating circulation, improving muscle tone and counteracting the effects of tension. I wasn’t disappointed. Genuinely, Claudia’s massage was second to none. I promise you I didn’t have a line left on my face after an hour, and the effects lasted for well over a week. I thoroughly recommend a session here. Better still, the spa is very basic – which means the facial is about £30 cheaper (as well as 100% better) than you get at fancier establishments.

Claudia suggested the following technique to de-flaw my jaw: place thumbs flat along the jawline at the edges of your mouth, push them firmly upwards while at the same time pinching the raised skin with index fingers. I now do this every morning and evening when I apply cream. It’s working – not as well as when old Magic Fingers Mendez did it but, even so, it’s making a difference. Claudia intends to launch facial massage masterclasses soon. I’ll be the first to sign up – I think facial massage is the most effective way to achieve a knife-free, natural-looking and youthful complexion and Claudia certainly knows all the secrets.